Remember, you have an average of 19 hours of decompression time every day.

If it’s any value other than 1, problems are in your future.

Being a human is hard! And this is helpful!!!

One of my favorite lullabies when I was growing up, the old moaning bimbo.

A moaning bimbo? That should do the trick!

Hush little baby don’t say a word, Papa’s gonna buy you a moaning bimbo.

He’s outside riding his bisexual. If it’s nice weather, you want to go out and ride the bisexual, you know?

Autocorrect: Let me help you out, “crackwhores”.

No I think I’m okay. I have 7th and crackwhores.

• Oh I’m happy! The first step is making my new licking arrangments.
• OK, that is too much information.
• Oops. I wrote living.

Easy tiger. Boots!

My grandma is going to dismount me.

Autocorrect knew before her mother did.

Wait… WHAAAAAAAT???

I definitely wrote pressure! Silly phone!

Well I’m heading to bed, make sure & send me anymore wonderful dongs that pop out at ya. night!

Thanks autocorrect!

Oh my eff. Toodalloo.

???? I think your auto text is on.

I need your a–inmyface please.

Well I hope the FBI isn’t tapping your phone, honey.

There is a severe lack of caffeine cocaine in the house. So we need to stop by the gas station.

I’m making them silent on purpose.

OMG, I’m so mad I painted my nips. They looked amazing and then I hit one against my door, and now it’s all messed up.

Yes, I will need you sober.

Oops, stupid auto correct!! Sooner is what I meant.

If you need me sober, let me know. Otherwise I will be there at 5:30.

Love you to prairies.
Peocies
Prices
Peaces
I give up
But never on u
Le fuch u attic chest
Auto correct
I’m drunk

Did you write that with your “smart” phone?

I got promiscuous at work!

Ha! I was pro moistened.

Got probed.

PROMOTED!

Just come home.

Can I sleep at Greg’s tonight? We’re just going to bang.

I’m like $300 short on my MOTTS APPLESAUCE payment due on the 15th.

This phone is going in the trash when I get home! (autocorrect)

TMI Mother! What ever happened to “What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas?” Does Dad know?

OMG is right.

*Planting. I am sure her pants are still on.

I love that autocorrect jumped to that conclusion.

I’m sick. Pretty sure I have a fever. You sure you didn’t see a thermometer threesome at your house?

Exactly what part of your mom is the right part for steam to come out?

My mom is definitely broken. The steam is coming from the wrong place and it is leaking water. Sad.

Yes, he was nice nude.

• We have black beans and steam crisp nipples.
• Nipples?
• Nibblets.

Hahaha! NONSENSE TIME!

Who doesn’t love being called a horehound in the morning?

Wake up you little beautiful person

Good morning horehound

I am going to look for boys for you. I will send pictures and you need to tell me if you like them. If I get you some it comes out of your Christmas money. They are way too expensive to get.

Boots, not boys! (They’re expensive.)

OMG we should submit this to Nontrinsic. And then they did!

It’s cold outside. If you’re going out, make sure your whore face is covered up.

Ryan just got horny so we will be about ten minutes late. Sorry!