I am going to look for boys for you. I will send pictures and you need to tell me if you like them. If I get you some it comes out of your Christmas money. They are way too expensive to get.

Boots, not boys! (They’re expensive.)

OMG we should submit this to Nontrinsic. And then they did!

It’s cold outside. If you’re going out, make sure your whore face is covered up.

Ryan just got horny so we will be about ten minutes late. Sorry!

• Let’s go do 9 Holes 9 hoes!
• I’m 62. Sadly my hoe days are over.

• I can’t download the picture, can you see it?
• I can.
• Maybe I need to turn on my WiFi wife.
• I’ll turn on your wife if you don’t want to.

PS - You can sleep on a blow up mistress if you want.

Oh dear god… mattress.

I will call you in a by. I mean but. I mean in a bite. I mean in a burp. I mean in a bit! Dammit!

Hahaha. I’ll take a manhole smoothie.

Look at your last nonsense.

Love you pumpkin bear! Have a good day.

Well apparently that word has been recognized as a commonly used word on your phone.

I need a hairball. Hairy ball. OMG, haircut.

Why does my phone know the words hairy ball and not haircut? (that is a good question)

You keep hoes under your bed?

Feel free to send that to Linerly.

That’s a nonsense worthy of Nontrinsic.

Hayyy we want some cheap wiener.

Feel free to inflate your girlfriend and bring her too.

Don’t send me that!

Wait what???

Omg. I’m never submitting nonsense again.

I wish I could decorate your panties. I would cover every inch with owls.

I’m auctioning kids tomorrow. Suctioning kids. Ridiculous auto cat rectal.

I am auditioning kids for play.

I am going to kick this phone’s ass.

Homo hot lips.
Hot Tulips.

I am getting frustrated.

Great News - Grandma is homosexual!

No I didn’t meant that. I meant REDACTED.

OMG. Forget it!!

Should I bring sake or wine suck your wife?

Breaking Dawn cast on erection!

ERECT!

Erection!

OMG I meant ELLEN!

Whoo hoo! It’s Friday. Screw the gym! I’m getting pregnant tonight!

What? No.

I’m totally sending this to Linerly.

• Making dinner. The child’s in the crockpot.
• Which kid did you put in the crockpot?
• I meant chili!

I’m auctioning kids tomorrow. Suctioning kids tomorrow. Ridiculous auto cat!

I’ll keep you updated on my prostate.

I think you should open your poophole this weekend.

OMG NOOOOOO.

What did it rate on the titty scale?

Richter scale! My phone is a 12 year old boy.

You’re a breast of fresh ass.

I mean a breath of fresh ass.

I mean a breast of fresh air.

A breath of fresh air.
Ughhhhhhh.

Always test drive your DATABASE!

Well, it’s Nontrinsic. You never know.

YES! Apologies! New phone!

You can send that to Linerly.

Your package has aroused.

… arrived.

You can put it in my orifice.

Hey dingleberry. Yeah it’s gret I lobster all the fetish. Much llamas to you from Dad.

Oops how do I tell off erection?
How do i tell off Autocorrect?
How do I turn off Autocorrect?

Actions speak louder than wombats.

Fine. Not supposed to rain but the groin is wet.

Did you take your orgasm chemistry test yet?

I wish the fruit market was still open in the mall. I need to get laid.

Without you and Dad’s support I never would have gotten this fat.