We all got our own secret stories. Deep inside, like my secret story is… I think about secret stories.

Dogs. I don’t get them!

Sometimes, it’s a two-scoop day!

Do you ever… get back from vacation and want the vacation to keep going? That’s what my life feels like!

Before you ask, it’s a prescription watermelon helmet. I need it for a very specific yet undisclosed medical issue.

QUICK, get in the spaceship NOW!

I didn’t mean to leave my coffee on the counter.

If I was blind, I could see again.

This has been an audiobook presentation by Penguin Books.

World War Me!

Let me pose a question: what if you got punched in the face that made you feel

• dirty
• underpaid
• underappreciated
• and being taken advantage of?

• You smell like that REDACTED whales make.
• Ambergris, baby boy.

School and home. Can’t there be somewhere else?

Self-love can be a battlefield if it’s [gibberish].

Sticks and stones may break my bones and I will break yours!

uh oh sensy hands

hungry ducking energy

Who calls you what?

Sold for 1.7 poopoopeepee! The beautiful cow is yours!

• My sand castle is a tower.
• My sand castle’s also a tower.
• My sand castle did 9/11.

Why did you choose to have nipples on your suit?

Get hot and lie! Get hot, attractive, and lie!

Be a human! Be a human amongst us!

I want joy for my family on Christmas and it’s been a tough YEAR—

This is the only way to get nonsense?

Every single one of you beautiful minds are being wrought by the liberal agenda!

Ho, ho, ho! Hello, children! You’re REDACTED being lied to.

I’ve been absolutely swamped up here.

Sometimes you shouldn’t ask questions you already know the answer to.

There’s multiple ways to melt.

I’ve been REDACTED the REDACTED.

There’s fuckin’ three things to do here: Fuck, go in the river, and go for a walk.

That’s a big REDACTED. I can’t compete.

A true carpenter would go to church.

God understood that I had an assignment, so he let me put it on hold or whatever.

• Does anything unusual turn you on?
• Monopoly, if I’m looking to have a bad time.

• What would you say is your biggest fear?
• Uh, I’m a vegetarian.

His name is the Hamburglar.

A silent tube slide.

Don’t forget, I’m playing for children’s rights.

A lone feline creature dominates the scene. The setting appears to be indoors at Unknown Location, evidenced by the tiled floor. No other beings or objects of significance are present.

This Feline appears to be of Feline descent. Its annual income is estimated between $0-0. It is likely devoted to Animism. Its emotions are largely suppressed and it is dressed in nothing. Its good hobbies include sleeping, grooming and hunting insects. Its bad hobbies include chasing shadows, scratching furniture, and yowling at night.

The Cat seems to exhibit primal instincts; hence we can target them with products that appeal to these drives, such as gourmet cat food, scratching posts, anti-anxiety sprays, and interactive toys like the Whisker Wonderland interactive cat toy (SmartyKat), Feather Frenzy teaser wand (Go Cat Da Bird), the scratching post (PetFusion Ultimate Cat Scratcher Lounge), and the calming pheromone diffuser (Feliway Classic), along with premium wet cat food (Fancy Feast), a comfortable cat bed (Best Friends by Sheri), automated cat feeders (PetSafe), and health insurance for your cat (Lemonade).

nonsense is just escapism

whoosh whoosh whoosh, yes !

zoom noise boys

the fu is noodle sauce

On average, around 100 REDACTED words get expressed every day at [reacted].

Is nonsense acceptable in school?

You gotta let them burn or they’re not gonna learn.

Who told you that you could bring pre-opened juice boxes?

Last advice: I’m not an ATM!