Did you write that with your “smart” phone?

I got promiscuous at work!

Ha! I was pro moistened.

Got probed.

PROMOTED!

Just come home.

Can I sleep at Greg’s tonight? We’re just going to bang.

I’m like $300 short on my MOTTS APPLESAUCE payment due on the 15th.

This phone is going in the trash when I get home! (autocorrect)

TMI Mother! What ever happened to “What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas?” Does Dad know?

OMG is right.

*Planting. I am sure her pants are still on.

I love that autocorrect jumped to that conclusion.

I’m sick. Pretty sure I have a fever. You sure you didn’t see a thermometer threesome at your house?

Exactly what part of your mom is the right part for steam to come out?

My mom is definitely broken. The steam is coming from the wrong place and it is leaking water. Sad.

Yes, he was nice nude.

• We have black beans and steam crisp nipples.
• Nipples?
• Nibblets.

Hahaha! NONSENSE TIME!

Who doesn’t love being called a horehound in the morning?

Wake up you little beautiful person

Good morning horehound

I am going to look for boys for you. I will send pictures and you need to tell me if you like them. If I get you some it comes out of your Christmas money. They are way too expensive to get.

Boots, not boys! (They’re expensive.)

OMG we should submit this to Nontrinsic. And then they did!

It’s cold outside. If you’re going out, make sure your whore face is covered up.

Ryan just got horny so we will be about ten minutes late. Sorry!

• Let’s go do 9 Holes 9 hoes!
• I’m 62. Sadly my hoe days are over.

• I can’t download the picture, can you see it?
• I can.
• Maybe I need to turn on my WiFi wife.
• I’ll turn on your wife if you don’t want to.

PS - You can sleep on a blow up mistress if you want.

Oh dear god… mattress.

I will call you in a by. I mean but. I mean in a bite. I mean in a burp. I mean in a bit! Dammit!

Hahaha. I’ll take a manhole smoothie.

Look at your last nonsense.

Love you pumpkin bear! Have a good day.

Well apparently that word has been recognized as a commonly used word on your phone.

I need a hairball. Hairy ball. OMG, haircut.

Why does my phone know the words hairy ball and not haircut? (that is a good question)

You keep hoes under your bed?

Feel free to send that to Linerly.

That’s a nonsense worthy of Nontrinsic.

Hayyy we want some cheap wiener.

Feel free to inflate your girlfriend and bring her too.

Don’t send me that!

Wait what???

Omg. I’m never submitting nonsense again.

I wish I could decorate your panties. I would cover every inch with owls.

I’m auctioning kids tomorrow. Suctioning kids. Ridiculous auto cat rectal.

I am auditioning kids for play.

I am going to kick this phone’s ass.

Homo hot lips.
Hot Tulips.

I am getting frustrated.

Great News - Grandma is homosexual!

No I didn’t meant that. I meant REDACTED.

OMG. Forget it!!

Should I bring sake or wine suck your wife?

Breaking Dawn cast on erection!

ERECT!

Erection!

OMG I meant ELLEN!

Whoo hoo! It’s Friday. Screw the gym! I’m getting pregnant tonight!

What? No.

I’m totally sending this to Linerly.