No I didn’t meant that. I meant REDACTED.

OMG. Forget it!!

Should I bring sake or wine suck your wife?

Breaking Dawn cast on erection!

ERECT!

Erection!

OMG I meant ELLEN!

Whoo hoo! It’s Friday. Screw the gym! I’m getting pregnant tonight!

What? No.

I’m totally sending this to Linerly.

• Making dinner. The child’s in the crockpot.
• Which kid did you put in the crockpot?
• I meant chili!

I’m auctioning kids tomorrow. Suctioning kids tomorrow. Ridiculous auto cat!

I’ll keep you updated on my prostate.

I think you should open your poophole this weekend.

OMG NOOOOOO.

What did it rate on the titty scale?

Richter scale! My phone is a 12 year old boy.

You’re a breast of fresh ass.

I mean a breath of fresh ass.

I mean a breast of fresh air.

A breath of fresh air.
Ughhhhhhh.

Always test drive your DATABASE!

Well, it’s Nontrinsic. You never know.

YES! Apologies! New phone!

You can send that to Linerly.

Your package has aroused.

… arrived.

You can put it in my orifice.

Hey dingleberry. Yeah it’s gret I lobster all the fetish. Much llamas to you from Dad.

Oops how do I tell off erection?
How do i tell off Autocorrect?
How do I turn off Autocorrect?

Actions speak louder than wombats.

Fine. Not supposed to rain but the groin is wet.

Did you take your orgasm chemistry test yet?

I wish the fruit market was still open in the mall. I need to get laid.

Without you and Dad’s support I never would have gotten this fat.

I know. It’s easy to get hooker on certain dongs.

Oh God! My GPS!

Great news!!! I finally found my GSPOT

I found it in the back seat of my car.

Are you going to church on sudsy? Subway? OMG SUBDAYYY. Wow, I give up. God is telling me not to go to church.

Yes, I will be there. Thank you for confirming. I look forward to sleeping with you.

*speaking

No I am still downstairs fondling the landlady

auto erect! Autocorrect!!!

Dad and I fondled ourselves for the first time last night. We didn’t get good results. Nothing came up.

I’m eating lots of peanuts so you better stay away! Definitely not REDACTED.

Adding nonsense all while getting laid!!!

1 more beer then we’re lesbian. (Although that is how it happened for me.)

Please do not f goats, you guys. It’s not right.

I’m going to jump off from this platform now.

I can’t wait to see those big beautiful nipples of yours.

I’ll get to spend my days humping animals and that makes me happy :)

Wow. Helping. I definitely meant helping.

Or want me to oil you up?

PICK YOU UP! WANT ME TO PICK YOU UP!

Everybody knows what LOL means, right?

Just barfing a plane. Call in 2 hours.

Clumsy Thumbsy :)

Gorilla
GIRL

You would not believe the day I had

I devoured a baby in a cab

YOU ARE NOT POSING FOR PLAYBOY OVER MY DEAD BODY KATHLEEN. Oh wait until your father hears this.

I’m coming and I have treats… Ya, I snack on prostitutes.

Pringles! Not prostitutes. LOL

There’s a burglar in the house!
No there’s a burglar in the house!!!
There’s a S Q U I R R E L in the house.

Hey! They don’t open until 11. We are around the corner killing Tim.

Why does your phone know the word ladybits? Where’s that come from…