How to make a mint pill prescense detector

It needs to be connected to the Internet as an IoT device. Give it a WiFi module. Add Bluetooth connectivity. So that you always know where it is add GPS.

Make it rechargeable through USB.

Audio alarm for critically low mint contents.

Touchscreen display.

Make it so it needs an app on your phone to operate it, with apps for both android and iOS. Use two factor authentication. Make the apps highly resource-intensive yet utterly useless. Fail to update the app for the next iOS release effectively bricking the device.

Roll out regular updates to the firmware, which remove features and put them behind a paywall.

Instead of an actual instruction manual, give a QR code that links to the instructions on the internet. Make users create an account to access the instructions. Creating an account should require the user to give the name of their grandmother’s neighbour’s cat. Make the process time out if the user hesitates for more than one second. If the user actually gets to the instructions they should consist entirely of meaningless pictograms and be for the wrong version of the device.

Require an extra paid-for plug-in before the device will even function.

Mints not included.